Confessions

Happy Wednesday.  Well, not so happy here, but I hope you're having a happy day!

My furnace has gone out, and I fear there may be no fixing it this time.  I swear, when it rains in this house, it pours.  We're still trying to climb out of the hole that hub's unemployment put us into, and now this.  I feel like putting my head in the oven and turning it on broil.  Really, I do.  I think I may be battling with some sort of depression, but I don't know that for sure.  No doctor diagnosis or anything, but I am in a general sad state 90% of the time, I'm gaining weight for no reason as my eating habits have not changed one bit, I feel lonely all the time, and things that have always made me happy now just don't seem to have any meaning at all to me.  This is leading to my post title, confessions.  I wonder if I write down some of the things that are bothering me, if I can't change them/deal with them easier.

• I love my husband, and I know that he has Narcolepsy, but his sleeping and lack of attention to me is really bothering me.  I feel like he doesn't want to be here and his solution is to sleep.  He tells me that he loves me, however his actions say other wise.
• I try my hardest to keep things clean and organized, yet that is all I feel like I do.  I want time for myself, and help around the house.  Everything falls on me and I don't feel like it is fair.
• I hate my job.  I am still delivering newspapers, but I fear if I find another job that the hours will keep me from taking care of the housework, the horses and Mom and Dad.
• I resent my sister for walking away from this family, with the excuse of "she can't handle us".  I am only one person and having to take care of everything Mom and Dad need done is overwhelming me on top of my life.  Of course, that ship has sailed as she has hurt Mom so badly that she wouldn't accept anything from her now anyway.  I love my parents and will continue to do everything I can for them, as they have done for me all of my life.
• I need to lose weight.  I have gained 10 pounds this winter.  I don't feel well, I'm tired and I don't want to exercise.
• I want more time to do what I want to do instead of what has to be done.  I want to sew and be creative without feeling guilty that I'm neglecting something else.  I want to focus on my gardens and make them beautiful again.  I want time to work with the horses and not have to hurry because someone needs me somewhere else.
• I need more sleep.  I generally sleep 3-5 hours a day, broken into to naps.  It's not enough.

I think that's enough for now.  There will be more in the future, believe me.

I have no idea how to make any of these work, and thus adding to my feeling of depression.  If anyone has any ideas, please feel free to let me know.

Have a great night.

Valentine's Day Magnets

Good morning.  It's 3:37 AM, I can't sleep.  Not that I really have much time to sleep before I have to leave, but still, I can't sleep.  Grrrrr.  I've never been much of an insomniac, but for some reason this past week, I've been having trouble sleeping.  I have a lot on my mind, if I can just shut off this silly brain....yes, I do have one of those!  Anyway...

I've actually been doing some stitching!  YAY ME!  No really, YAY!  I feel like I have some creativity back after a few years of doing practically nothing.  I joined Pinterest a few weeks ago and I am finding all kinds of inspiration on there.  I love that place!  Here's my latest creations:

It's not the greatest picture, I am limited to my cell camera for now.  But they are magnets!  I found this pattern set:  http://www.birdbraindesigns.net/products/509-americana-needlework-accessories.aspx , fell in love, pinned it.  We are still short on cash due to the unemployment, and I wanted to make these into magnets for Mom, so I created them from the pictures-with my twist on them!  They are made from felt, (Who knew felt was so quick and easy to work with?), embellished with beads and metallic sequin type things.  I love how they turned out and I plan to make myself a set as well!  I hope she likes them as well as I do.  I think they are perfect for Valentine's day, and since she was JUST saying how she'd like to find a few Valentine's day magnets, they will work out well.  Okay, so she was saying that before I started them, and that's why I made them into magnets, but still.  Ha ha ha!

I miss crazy quilting in the worst way, but have lost the talent to do it.  I don't know why, nothing I start is getting finished.  I think it just takes me too long.  I have about 5 hours wrapped up in those magnets, not too bad if I might say myself.  I plan to attempt another CQ project soon, I want to make something with pictures of my horses.  I don't know what quite yet.

I'm off to work, then home to bed.  Hopefully I'll be able to sleep then.

Have a wonderful weekend!

We're In The Money!

Hello and Happy Thursday.  Okay, almost Friday. 

I'm happy to report that my last blog post must have sparked some sort of interest in my hubs, either that or someone really felt sorry for me!  My husband is now employed!  YAY!  Friday afternoon, my hubs recieved a call to come in for an interview, they had saw his resume on the internet and would like to meet with him.  So, he went in Saturday morning and came home employed.  He seems to really like it, and it's a short 10 minute drive from home.  That alone is a blessing in disguise.  Maybe we can put away a little money now, instead of spending it all on gas!  I am hoping that it works out for him, he does seem like he likes it there.

So, I'm back to my usual routine, and though I do miss him being here so much, (I know...I was JUST complaining about that!), it's kind of nice to have the ol' routine back.  I'm able to get to bed earlier in the mornings and get up a little earlier and rested.  Oh what a difference and hour or two can make!  I am even becoming productive again.  I kind of got into a funk, I didn't want to do anything...not sure if it was sadness, irritation or lack of sleep.  Any way you look at it, I wasn't feeling my best, but I'm getting there.

After our crazy Friday the 13th, the weather warmed back up a bit and now we're back to frosty, frozen, snowy winter.  It's winter, I shouldn't expect less, but I was really hoping for a mild winter with hardly a dusting of snow.  I need to get some work done with the horses, but at 5*, I'm wimping out.  I can't help it, it's just too dang cold.  I hope it won't set me back too far with Cheyenne.  I'm not so worried about Dakota.

It looks to be a long night, so I'm signing off and hitting the sheets for a nap.

Have a super Friday!

Freezin' on Friday the 13th

Howdy y'all.

Mother Nature just realized she made a huge faux-pas with the weather here in Indiana.  We've been having the most spectacular weather for January, upper 40's and lower 50's with sunny conditions.  Well, here we sit on Friday the 13th Eve, with a current temperature of 15 degrees with winds gusting up to 33 mph and a wind chill of -4.  It's cold.  Bitter, nasty cold.  And it's snowing, we're expected to get 3-5" of snow tonight, which by comparison isn't much, but will make for a nasty drive with those winds.  It sounds like the wind is about to blow the house to bits!  So, is this the curse of Friday the 13th?  Hmmmm...ironic.....

My husband still hasn't found a job, and has been driving me to the short side of insanity.  I'm trying to keep my composure, but I am slowly losing my patience.  I have no privacy, everything I do, he's there.  We'll make it through this, I'm sure, as many others have, but I swear, I'm going more gray by the day.  So, anyone know of a GOOD job in Muncie, Indiana?  Yeah, I didn't think so...

We managed to make it through the holidays unscathed this year, surprisingly.  It was a very thankful Thanksgiving and a very humble Christmas this year, and I'm fine with that.  New Years brought up all of the things I have been feeling over and over and many resolutions that I hope to keep this year.  I spent the last week of last year and the first week of this year sicker than a dog, so I'm really just now getting around to making and attempting to keep my resolutions.  I'm sure they are pretty common ones, lose weight, save money, be more grateful and helpful to my parents, etc.  The one that I'm hoping to keep is to be more crafty this year.  I'm off to a pretty good start, as while I was sick I spent a lot of time sewing.  Christmas ornies made after Christmas are STILL Christmas ornies.  LOL.  I'll post some pics soon, I'm pretty proud of them, they are really cute.
I got to spend a few days with the horses while it was nice, and I loved every second of it.  Dakota is doing remarkably well, she has accepted being ridden and is becoming a wonderful mount.  Cheyenne, as crazy as that little girl makes me, makes my heart soar when she does her work correctly.  She's learning and for 18 months, amazes me!  We have a loooong way to go and a lot of lessons to learn, but I'm very proud of the horse she is becoming.  She may lose a little fur off of her hind-end if she kicks at me again, but that's just one bridge we have to cross.  Everyone is tucked in and happy for the night, including the 13 barn cats.  They have a nice toasty bed of hay to sleep in tonight, I'm sure they'll be just fine.

So, another one of my resolutions is to try and keep my blog up a little better.  I haven't been very faithful, but maybe it will help me deal with things easier if I vent here a bit...

And on that note, I'm gonna hit the hay for a quick nap, it looks to be a loooong, cold night bringing the news to the peoples. 

We Have Become A Statistic

It's a rainy Thursday evening here in Indiana, cold and blustery, just plain out nasty.  I am sitting around waiting for laundry to finish, so what better time to do a little bloggin'.

We have officially become a statistic.  I hate this, I have dealt with my husband going from job to job for years, but after 6 years with his last employer, I felt like he had found a permanent home.  Unfortunately, they didn't feel the same way.  Today is day 6 of unemployment.  He's lucky to have lived through the past 4.  I am a creature of habit, and I HATE having my schedule changed.  Oh yes, I hate it very much.  So, this is the first time in 10 years that we have spent a solid week together.  Some of it has been very pleasant, most of it has been irritating, aggravating, annoying and just plain out bad.  It's not helping that it has rained for 3 straight days and I have been trapped inside with him.  I would much rather be doing my normal things at the farm and outside.  I am praying that it gets better.  FAST.  I work at night and therefore sleep in the daytime.  He's up and moving around.  The birds and cat are up moving around.  This leads to a very edgy me.  A very edgy me who is trying desperately to not blow a gasket about his former employer, and I know everyone says it, but they did him dirty.  He had 3 years seniority over 2 other employees, yet they "chose" to lay him off.  I am frustrated, worried and irritated.  I know it will get better, I just hope it comes before it's too late.

So, in my quest to save money, I have been price checking things against other stores in town.  OMG, I am so angry about this!  I cannot believe how much money I have been wasting on groceries!  I checked prices from Main Street Market to Walmart and the difference in just unbelievable!  I thought it would be a few cents here and a few cents there.  Nope, we're talking DOLLARS!  Yes, I said dollars!!!  Some things are more than a dollar and a half cheaper at Walmart.  Seriously.  How can they do this and get by?  Shouldn't that be considered price gouging?  So, needless to say, as much as I dislike Walfart, I'll be spending my grocery money there.  Plus they have the new policy to accept other store coupons, and they price match.  I think I'll fair pretty well if I can just keep on top of things.  (And stick to my list, not venturing out into the rest of the store!)  That may not be so easy coming into the holidays as this is a crazy, crazy time for me, but I'm going to do my best!  I'm going to try and set aside a couple hours on Sunday to check ads and coupons.  My printer is out, so Internet coupons won't be available for me, for now.  That will make it a little tougher, but I am determined to slash my grocery bill and save a few bucks while he's unemployed.  Especially since we are losing $400 a month.  I have to do something!  Looks like I may be in for a second job, which is not going to make for a happy me. Looks like those hand made gifts are going to be a must for me.

Well, here's to things getting better,  I certainly hope it happens soon.

Good morning.  It's finally FRIDAY!  This has been the longest week.  Anyone else out there feel the same way?  Yep, I thought so.
I have been back to riding Dakota, and for the most part she is doing a fantastic job!  She is fighting the bit when I ask her to turn right, but we seem to be working through it okay, just a little fussy about it.  And I'm ecstatic to report that we had our first trot together!  YES!  She did amazing, me-not so much.  Yeah, I have discovered that it's like riding a bike, it does all come back, but after 8 years of not being on a horse and at least 14 years of not riding seriously, I am rusty, clumsy, unbalanced, out of rhythm, and a little nervous.  The nervousness is going away very quickly, however the rest of it is coming back in a slow manner.  She is an amazing little horse, I am such a proud Momma!  She has come through this injury, even without those tendons a sound pleasure to ride!

This is a picture of her playing about a week ago, I was standing in her field and snapped this with my cell.  She is just so beautiful!  I can't help but be so proud of her!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day and weekend!

Be Careful What You Say....

Good morning!  It's sunny and beautiful here in Indiana today, a perfect day if I may say myself.  Too bad I have shopping to do, I'd much rather be outside working with the horses or in the yard.  Ah well....the to do list must come first, especially when the critters need some chow.
I have been seeing a lot of people posting things on Facebook about true friends.  Some times I let things bother me that really shouldn't, but some of this stuff is really getting to me.  Being a person who is always busy, and I mean ALWAYS busy, I feel like it is selfish for people to make these remarks.  Things like, "if you can't make time for me then I don't need you", and "Don't make room in your heart for someone who can't make time for you".  Well you know what, I love many of my friends dearly and I don't always keep in touch very well, but that doesn't mean that I'm not a good friend.  Or maybe it does.  Does the fact that I have so much to do that I barely sleep 4 hours a day, hardly eat and when I see the inside of my home I almost feel like a guest mean anything to anyone?  Really, you want to condemn people for taking care of their lives?  For me means taking care of 3 properties, my ill parents, my animals, my home, conditioning the horses and working.  Yes, so I take care of my life first, but that doesn't mean that I'm not a friend, it means that I don't have much time to play and when I do, I make the best of it with the best people.  I guess it just hurts because I have seen those kinds of posts from people that I consider good friends.  I don't know, maybe I'm just being oversensitive.....

To anyone who feels this way about me, please feel free to give me a hand with my work sometime so that I can play too.  I guess the fact that I don't really complain about my life leads people to believe that I am relatively happy, but I would love to be able to have time to sit down and chat on the phone, catch up on Facebook and hang out whenever I please.  However, until I get some help, that is NOT going to happen.  Either work with me, accept me for who I am, or get the hell over it!  Either way you choose to do it, remember, be careful what you say, you never know who is reading it and who may be hurt by it!

Hope you all have a fabulous day. 

Dance Moms

Good morning all! 

We don't have much time to watch television, so it amazes me the caliber or shows that are on that thing.  I have a few shows that I follow religiously--Fringe, Law and Order: SVU, Dancing With The Stars, and Parenthood are pretty much it.  And those aren't "I'm gonna die if I don't know what happened" shows, just ones I enjoy when I'm home.  So last night I was doing laundry and cruising the channels for something to watch, when I came across "Dance Moms".  Oh my, this show is dramatic to say the least!  What is with those people?  WOW!  I think that Abby knows what she is doing as far as teaching the kids to dance, but those mothers on there....they are a whole different bunch of people.  I cannot honestly say that I would associate with any of them, and they are a bunch of whiny, cry-baby, drama queens!  Give me a break!  I watched a couple of episodes and was floored by the petty things that these women had to say.  They all have a problem with Abby, the dance instructor, for one reason or another.  One doesn't want her daughter doing "ethnic" dances, because it's stereotyping her.  Um, NO, it's teaching her to be able to do ethnic dances for auditions!  Good grief!  Another was griping because her daughters never have costumes.  Well, seems to me if you were concerned about it you would approach the instructor more than 15 minutes before you kid goes on stage.  DUH!  Another mom was complaining because one of the girls gets special attention all of the time and her daughter is mistreated.  Well, okay, I don't know what she means by special treatment, but from what I can tell she treated them all the same.  These women are so jealous of their kids and think the world revolves around them to the point that they seriously need to grow up.  If they are soooooo unhappy with Abby Lee's then why the hell don't they find someone else to teach their kids dance?  Or better yet, let Abby do her job, encourage their kids to listen to her and correct problems that they have and quit being so jealous of your kids!

That's just my honest opinion, but the show did it's job, it kept me watching to see what ridiculousness those petty moms could come up with next!

Happy Hump Day!

Happy hump day!  The middle of the week always seems like it takes forever to get here, but when it does the rest of the week just flies by.  Today it's rainy and chilly out, giving me the fall fever.  I love this time of the year, the leaves changing, the cooler air, and the fall holidays!  Love, LOVE, LOOOOVE Halloween, and I'm excited for it to come this year. 

I got back on Dakota to ride on Monday, and it went well.  She's was seemingly unsure of herself, but after watching the videos back, I believe it was because the ground is so muddy.  She did much better yesterday.  I hope she comes out of this insecurity completely, I would like to go more than 10 steps without stopping.  LOL!  But, with teaching her comes much patience, and I know that just like 2 years ago, when she was a wild child that I thought I would never be able to ride, she'll come into her own.  She has grown into the most gentle, respectful, attentive horse I could have asked for.  She listens very well and is always eager to work.  I am hoping that once she realizes that when I'm riding her she's going to get to go out and see everything, she'll be excited for that too.

Cheyenne has grown so much in the past few months, I have a lot of ground work to do with her, and she's trying my patience at every turn of the hand.  Today she came running at me with her ears pinned back when I came to her field with her grain.  My exact words were, "OH NO YOU DON'T!"  LOL, she thought she was gonna get away with it and got a rude awakening.  I'm not an abusive person, but when she did this, she got a firm smack on the neck.  I then got a grasp on her halter and walked her around until the ears came up and she was more pleasant.  I know they have bad days just like we do, but that is absolutely unacceptable behavior!  She is also pushing into my "personal space" often now, so I have a lot of work to do there.  I am a firm believer in groundwork and manners on horses, I mean who wants to be pushed around by a 1000 lb animal?  NOT ME!  I earned every ounce of respect that Dakota gives me, and I have a funny feeling that I'm going to have to work twice as hard to get the same level of respect out of Cheyenne.  I call her my red-headed step child, LOL, she's so ornery and has the temper of a redhead.  I'm definately working on it, and will continue to do so for eternity.  Dakota will occasionally try me too, so it's an ongoing lesson for them both.  I am currently reading a book by Clinton Anderson, someone who I have just recently learned about.  His Downunder Horsemanship seems to have very good training techniques, so I'm going to work on his program with Cheyenne and see how she reacts.  I sure wish I could afford those DVDs of his, but that is waaaaay out of my price range! 

I have a few ideas for holiday gifts this year, I just wish I could find the time and inspiration to get started.  I actually have had the ideas for a few years and just never accomplished them.  I'm going to really try and sit down tonight and work out a few plans on how to do them and maybe get started.  I need to hold myself accountable to this.  DO IT, dang it!    I will keep you all posted on my progress.  Heck if one of the ideas work out well, I may even try to sell them!  :)  We'll see!

Okay, so I need to get to bed, I have a mountain of laundry to move today and horses who need work too.  Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday.

Happy Birthday Hubby and Horse Pictures

Good afternoon! I'm up and at 'em early today, lots going on. First off, our cable and internet have been acting stupid for the past few months, and we finally broke down and called Comcast out to fix it. After the guy spent 1 1/2 hours trying to "pin" it on us because we replaced our wiring under the house, it boiled down to the main line isn't set up for digital. Well, now why wasn't that changed BEFORE we were forced to go to all digital? Yeah, I'm not a very happy camper. Especially since I went to bed at 11:30am and was back up at 1:45pm, for this.

The other thing going on--HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY HUBBY, ROBERT! He's officially 30! Time to grow up now, Honey.... :) To celebrate, I thought I'd post a picture of the first time he rode Dakota. I'm so proud of my baby girl, you have no idea! Here it is:

If you look closely, you can see her wound on her right hind leg. Picture was purposely taken from this direction so it's not so gory. We have grown accustomed to it, but it still grosses the majority of people out.

This is a pic of my second ride on her, as I'm not happy with the pics of the first ride. I know, it's silly....

And next are pictures of our new baby, Cheyenne. The first is the day we bought her, she was still wooly with her winter hair and so small. I can't believe how much she has changed in a few months. The second two were taken about a month ago, right before her first bath. Yeah...that was an experience! :)

I have thought to myself several times, "Why in the world did I get two young horses that need so much conditioning??!!!" But after spending the evening with them and having such a great time, I remember why, because I wanted to learn. Oh boy, they are sure teaching me! I love them both very much, I wouldn't trade this experience for the world! I have many, many years to come with both of them and that thrills me to my very core!

Well, I must go corral the dust bunnies now, company is coming at 6!

Hugs & Love,