Confessions

Happy Wednesday.  Well, not so happy here, but I hope you're having a happy day!

My furnace has gone out, and I fear there may be no fixing it this time.  I swear, when it rains in this house, it pours.  We're still trying to climb out of the hole that hub's unemployment put us into, and now this.  I feel like putting my head in the oven and turning it on broil.  Really, I do.  I think I may be battling with some sort of depression, but I don't know that for sure.  No doctor diagnosis or anything, but I am in a general sad state 90% of the time, I'm gaining weight for no reason as my eating habits have not changed one bit, I feel lonely all the time, and things that have always made me happy now just don't seem to have any meaning at all to me.  This is leading to my post title, confessions.  I wonder if I write down some of the things that are bothering me, if I can't change them/deal with them easier.

• I love my husband, and I know that he has Narcolepsy, but his sleeping and lack of attention to me is really bothering me.  I feel like he doesn't want to be here and his solution is to sleep.  He tells me that he loves me, however his actions say other wise.
• I try my hardest to keep things clean and organized, yet that is all I feel like I do.  I want time for myself, and help around the house.  Everything falls on me and I don't feel like it is fair.
• I hate my job.  I am still delivering newspapers, but I fear if I find another job that the hours will keep me from taking care of the housework, the horses and Mom and Dad.
• I resent my sister for walking away from this family, with the excuse of "she can't handle us".  I am only one person and having to take care of everything Mom and Dad need done is overwhelming me on top of my life.  Of course, that ship has sailed as she has hurt Mom so badly that she wouldn't accept anything from her now anyway.  I love my parents and will continue to do everything I can for them, as they have done for me all of my life.
• I need to lose weight.  I have gained 10 pounds this winter.  I don't feel well, I'm tired and I don't want to exercise.
• I want more time to do what I want to do instead of what has to be done.  I want to sew and be creative without feeling guilty that I'm neglecting something else.  I want to focus on my gardens and make them beautiful again.  I want time to work with the horses and not have to hurry because someone needs me somewhere else.
• I need more sleep.  I generally sleep 3-5 hours a day, broken into to naps.  It's not enough.

I think that's enough for now.  There will be more in the future, believe me.

I have no idea how to make any of these work, and thus adding to my feeling of depression.  If anyone has any ideas, please feel free to let me know.

Have a great night.

Valentine's Day Magnets

Good morning.  It's 3:37 AM, I can't sleep.  Not that I really have much time to sleep before I have to leave, but still, I can't sleep.  Grrrrr.  I've never been much of an insomniac, but for some reason this past week, I've been having trouble sleeping.  I have a lot on my mind, if I can just shut off this silly brain....yes, I do have one of those!  Anyway...

I've actually been doing some stitching!  YAY ME!  No really, YAY!  I feel like I have some creativity back after a few years of doing practically nothing.  I joined Pinterest a few weeks ago and I am finding all kinds of inspiration on there.  I love that place!  Here's my latest creations:

It's not the greatest picture, I am limited to my cell camera for now.  But they are magnets!  I found this pattern set:  http://www.birdbraindesigns.net/products/509-americana-needlework-accessories.aspx , fell in love, pinned it.  We are still short on cash due to the unemployment, and I wanted to make these into magnets for Mom, so I created them from the pictures-with my twist on them!  They are made from felt, (Who knew felt was so quick and easy to work with?), embellished with beads and metallic sequin type things.  I love how they turned out and I plan to make myself a set as well!  I hope she likes them as well as I do.  I think they are perfect for Valentine's day, and since she was JUST saying how she'd like to find a few Valentine's day magnets, they will work out well.  Okay, so she was saying that before I started them, and that's why I made them into magnets, but still.  Ha ha ha!

I miss crazy quilting in the worst way, but have lost the talent to do it.  I don't know why, nothing I start is getting finished.  I think it just takes me too long.  I have about 5 hours wrapped up in those magnets, not too bad if I might say myself.  I plan to attempt another CQ project soon, I want to make something with pictures of my horses.  I don't know what quite yet.

I'm off to work, then home to bed.  Hopefully I'll be able to sleep then.

Have a wonderful weekend!

We're In The Money!

Hello and Happy Thursday.  Okay, almost Friday. 

I'm happy to report that my last blog post must have sparked some sort of interest in my hubs, either that or someone really felt sorry for me!  My husband is now employed!  YAY!  Friday afternoon, my hubs recieved a call to come in for an interview, they had saw his resume on the internet and would like to meet with him.  So, he went in Saturday morning and came home employed.  He seems to really like it, and it's a short 10 minute drive from home.  That alone is a blessing in disguise.  Maybe we can put away a little money now, instead of spending it all on gas!  I am hoping that it works out for him, he does seem like he likes it there.

So, I'm back to my usual routine, and though I do miss him being here so much, (I know...I was JUST complaining about that!), it's kind of nice to have the ol' routine back.  I'm able to get to bed earlier in the mornings and get up a little earlier and rested.  Oh what a difference and hour or two can make!  I am even becoming productive again.  I kind of got into a funk, I didn't want to do anything...not sure if it was sadness, irritation or lack of sleep.  Any way you look at it, I wasn't feeling my best, but I'm getting there.

After our crazy Friday the 13th, the weather warmed back up a bit and now we're back to frosty, frozen, snowy winter.  It's winter, I shouldn't expect less, but I was really hoping for a mild winter with hardly a dusting of snow.  I need to get some work done with the horses, but at 5*, I'm wimping out.  I can't help it, it's just too dang cold.  I hope it won't set me back too far with Cheyenne.  I'm not so worried about Dakota.

It looks to be a long night, so I'm signing off and hitting the sheets for a nap.

Have a super Friday!

Freezin' on Friday the 13th

Howdy y'all.

Mother Nature just realized she made a huge faux-pas with the weather here in Indiana.  We've been having the most spectacular weather for January, upper 40's and lower 50's with sunny conditions.  Well, here we sit on Friday the 13th Eve, with a current temperature of 15 degrees with winds gusting up to 33 mph and a wind chill of -4.  It's cold.  Bitter, nasty cold.  And it's snowing, we're expected to get 3-5" of snow tonight, which by comparison isn't much, but will make for a nasty drive with those winds.  It sounds like the wind is about to blow the house to bits!  So, is this the curse of Friday the 13th?  Hmmmm...ironic.....

My husband still hasn't found a job, and has been driving me to the short side of insanity.  I'm trying to keep my composure, but I am slowly losing my patience.  I have no privacy, everything I do, he's there.  We'll make it through this, I'm sure, as many others have, but I swear, I'm going more gray by the day.  So, anyone know of a GOOD job in Muncie, Indiana?  Yeah, I didn't think so...

We managed to make it through the holidays unscathed this year, surprisingly.  It was a very thankful Thanksgiving and a very humble Christmas this year, and I'm fine with that.  New Years brought up all of the things I have been feeling over and over and many resolutions that I hope to keep this year.  I spent the last week of last year and the first week of this year sicker than a dog, so I'm really just now getting around to making and attempting to keep my resolutions.  I'm sure they are pretty common ones, lose weight, save money, be more grateful and helpful to my parents, etc.  The one that I'm hoping to keep is to be more crafty this year.  I'm off to a pretty good start, as while I was sick I spent a lot of time sewing.  Christmas ornies made after Christmas are STILL Christmas ornies.  LOL.  I'll post some pics soon, I'm pretty proud of them, they are really cute.
I got to spend a few days with the horses while it was nice, and I loved every second of it.  Dakota is doing remarkably well, she has accepted being ridden and is becoming a wonderful mount.  Cheyenne, as crazy as that little girl makes me, makes my heart soar when she does her work correctly.  She's learning and for 18 months, amazes me!  We have a loooong way to go and a lot of lessons to learn, but I'm very proud of the horse she is becoming.  She may lose a little fur off of her hind-end if she kicks at me again, but that's just one bridge we have to cross.  Everyone is tucked in and happy for the night, including the 13 barn cats.  They have a nice toasty bed of hay to sleep in tonight, I'm sure they'll be just fine.

So, another one of my resolutions is to try and keep my blog up a little better.  I haven't been very faithful, but maybe it will help me deal with things easier if I vent here a bit...

And on that note, I'm gonna hit the hay for a quick nap, it looks to be a loooong, cold night bringing the news to the peoples.