Still alive and kicking...but just barely...

Hello all. I hope everyone had a safe and Merry Christmas! Ours was nice, it was less about gifts and more about family this year. Things are tight for our whole family, so everyone did the best they could and that was just good enough. The food was spectacular as always, Mom can just about outcook anyone, and we managed to keep our sanity, so that's always a plus!

I've had some serious trials for the past few months and have basically alienated myself from everyone. I talked with Ingrid the other day, and it felt so nice to feel like I still have a friend. I also chatted with Lori for a few minutes, and it was just like we'd never stopped talking. I spend most of my days feeling alone, so these calls were a welcome interruption to my usual stress-filled day. Thank you ladies!

I am having a very hard time dealing with some of the stress that I'm going through and I don't quite no how to get my act together. I won't devulge the details here, as I know prying eyes are reading, and quite frankly...it's none of their business. But I wish that I had more time for my friends, as I'm sure that they could help me through this time. However, some have written me off, and that hurts..more than words can say. I do know that everyone has bad times, and I do know that sometimes you have to get rid of the bad in your life in order to feel good, but how can people that I have known for years just turn their back on me, especially when I am already falling apart? I have been there for them, listened to their every bitch, piss and moan, but when it comes time for me to rely on them, they are no where to be seen. I guess that says it all...they didn't want to be my friend, they only wanted me to be theirs. They wanted me to be there for them to bitch at, but turn their head when I have something to say. I'm hurt...very, very hurt. I shouldn't rely on people, and this is a hard lesson learned for me. I come from a background of helping anyone you possibly can at all costs, and if they never return the favor so be it. But to completely shut me out when I need a shoulder to cry on is cold. Very cold. I guess it's a sign of the times...

Anyway, to all of the friends that feel like I have done this to them, I am very sorry. I did not intend to hurt anyone and I now know how it feels. Very alone.

On a brighter note, we're through Christmas...on to New Year's. I hope next year is kinder to all of us, we've just about had all we can take.

If I don't get to write again...Happy New Year friends!